Life, in a nutshell

With our recent move in walking distance to the beach, I was really in need of some self reflection. As with many of life’s changes, I was faced with a roller-coaster of emotions. I sought to find comfort in Mother Natures’ many resources.
I wandered around my new neighborhood for a bit, and found myself tucked away in the sand, in the exact place I frequented daily during my pregnancy with Veda. Over four years later here I am. Although in the exact same location, I am in a completely different place. Before the birth of my “little guru” I traveled to some of the most beautiful places. All on my own. I journeyed through countless cities and countries, full of curiosity and wonder. Although I felt a sense of euphoria a number of times, no matter how immense the beauty--- I felt alone an overwhelming amount of times. I was often inwardly ashamed of these feelings, thinking myself ungrateful.
It wasn’t until my “free” time was stripped from me (in the most loving manner), that I began to see quality time with oneself as a treasure to be uncovered often. ....
To be continued.....

The Birth House

I was surprised to find The Birth House by Ami McKay at my local library. I wasn't exactly looking for it, but upon finding a novel based on birth, I figured it would allocate a break from the usual brainy list of books that I forever have my nose in. Impossible to escape into a land of fantasy, due to the need to constantly take notes and highlight facts, these books leave little to the imagination. The Birth House offered an opportunity for me to delve into something deeper. A past, a connection to being a woman, and the journey that so many women before me took, so that we could freely chose today.

Surprisingly, events that this book are based off of took place nearly 90 years ago. I couldn't help but wonder how these customs affected my great-grandmothers, or their mothers, and so on, and in turn, subconsciously but directly affect women today. It is hard to reflect on a time when women had no choice about whom or when they would marry, how many children they would have and where they would birth those children.

We live in a time where lack of choice is not even fathomable, more so it is the over-pouring of options that I believe gets us into trouble. How can we even make a slight connection to what holds true in our heart, when we hardly take a moment to become fully aware of it with all of the distractions in our day to day existence? Our capabilities, true desires, where we have travelled from and where we long to go.These seeds of wisdom are buried beneath the snow, and the ever changing seasons of our busy lives.

I am sending my deepest gratitude to all of the women who have walked before me, will walk after me, and who are walking side by side. I look forward to honoring them all by learning and sharing their rituals, stories and wisdom!

I would highly recommend this book, even for someone who is not interested in birth. It is eloquent, and well written. I love that it offered a brief history of a time period that really changed birth in our culture. From home to hospital. Although I was upset when I finished it,(because I had nothing else to read while on vacation) I was pleasantly surprised by a list of further reading recommendations.

A seed can't stay a seed forever.....



Pam England, ME:), Virginia Bobro



My encouraging advisor, Susan and I



I dreamt I was a seed

Buried deep below

In the dark, dark earth.

My quest, unknown to me, was to grow.

Day by day, i nourished my core.

On the 21st day,

I thought I was dying

I found out later,

I was sprouting.

It ached inside while i tore.

If I had had any idea

How much pain it would bring

To reach the sunshine,

I may have forever remained a seed.

For even a seed hurts

On its journey to becoming a flower.



The journey is the reward! 

I spent a week surrounded by mountains, wise women and food that my taste buds delighted in. I met Pam England, who has a kind and uplifting spirit, and a refreshing sense of humor. I enthusiastically re-united with Virginia, who taught the Introductory training so well that I was forever hooked. And finally met my advisor Susan, who optimistically encouraged me to take this journey. A journey I had not felt I was ready for.

Appropriately titled

I started out on Wednesday ready to go, in some ways. I knew from my Introductory workshop that anything I had been avoiding, would not so soon be swept under the rug here. That is what Birthing From Within is about- the "From Within" part is the core. I learned storytelling, metaphor and much much more. But I mainly learned things that I could not discover on my own or in a book. I learned to step out on a limb, and was caught several times in a soft nest. Pure and safe from judgement. Thank you all, you have played an integral part of my growth. I enjoyed our time together more than words can ever explain.

Trying to make sense of the "underworld"

This creatures metamorphosis also took place at Bend of Ivy :)

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I have been able to write. In one week my daughter broke her elbow, my computer crashed and I locked my keys in my car (for the first time ever, actually). I'm not sure what has been going on here in cyberspace, but V and I have been enjoying the beach, listening to sweet music and taking in all the sounds and scents and colors of spring. Here are a few cd's that V is really enjoys at the moment.

Also one of my favorite thing to do has been to make (and then eat!) a kale salad! YUMMY and full of wholesome goodness!

Here is the recipe:

1 Bunch of kale washed and dried, gently break the leaves apart

Equal parts: white vinegar, toasted sesame oil, tamari ( I used 1/4 cup each)

6 cloves garlic

about 1 inch of ginger, peeled and pressed in the garlic press

6 Tablespoons toasted sesame and sunflower seeds 

Mix the white vinegar, toasted  sesame oil, tamari, garlic and ginger. Set aside.

Toast your seeds :)

Add to your kale, and eat the whole bunch in one sitting like me :)

I was also pleasantly surprised to find a Local Chapter of the Holistic Mom's Network has been started in our area.Find info on upcoming meetings here. Yes, Myrtle Beach is evolving!

My journey through a landscape of labor

In three weeks I will be making my way to Asheville NC for an Advanced Retreat to continue the steps to Birthing From Within certification. I can't believe that only 11 months ago I was driving to The Farm for my first BFW workshop. I wasn't sure exactly what I would encounter on the journey, but I knew it would be full of wonder entwined in it a priceless learning experience. As I reminice, I remember how fortunate I was to share that trip of a lifetime with my best friend Arianne and several other intriguing and inspirational women. Before crossing the initial threshold, I thought that BFW was simply childbirth education with some artwork, I had no idea about how those 3 days would change my life and perception forever. Since that workshop, I have learned how to love and receive love unconditionally, one of many transformational lessons, and am forever thankful.

Pamela Hunt was courteous enough to show us around The Farm clinic.

My spirited toddler

I had been fortunate growing up. I had no surgeries or broken bones. So when my toddler fell off of our computer chair Tuesday, I was baffled at how such a short fall could cause her to break her elbow. V is very strong, and seldom cries, so I knew something terrible was wrong by her reaction to the fall. I tried to console her, which usually always works, but this day she did not want me to touch her at all. She told me in her sweetest voice ever "my arm doesn't work anymore, it's broken, call the ambulance." :( :(
We made our way to the ER. Every ounce of my baby was in pain, and resistant to touch or movement that may disrupt her comfortably uncomfortable state. For having her elbow broken, she was being very brave, and was in great spirits when not being tampered with.
I could not believe how fast this had all happened, and how sorry I had felt for her. I just wanted to take on her pain. All I could do was lay with her, caress her hair, tell her I would not leave her side, and that it would be over soon. In some ways it reminded me of being with a woman in labor. Ever present in the moment, one breath at a time, not thinking about the past, or focusing on what may come up in the future.
As with each fall in our life, it is meant to be. And we must surrender to the lesson, if we ever find meaning in one. As cliché as this sounds, even in the midst of the fear, crying vomit and what seemed like a never ending waiting time, we were together as a family. And we had everything that we actually needed in that moment.

Veda painting the morning of

Cuddled up in her blanky and unable to wear a shirt

Metamorphosis

It's official! It's been one week now since I quit my "real" job to pursue my passions. Mothering, servicing families through the childbearing year and crafting.These are ways that I fill my days at the moment, and I could not feel more blessed!
I have the chance to be reminded of the beauty in each moment, and am forever thankful that I am able to share it with my daughter. We are taking advantage of it fully, and have spent it wisely, allowing the smell and sounds of spring to permeate our every being!
This week we have:



Water color painted picture frames




Homemade Strawberry Ice Cream



Outdoor play with friends



The perfect dinner after a hot day outside- Nicoise Salad with homemade bread and brie (3/23)



Nature walks



The inspiration behind the title- we will have to check back with them!



Surprisingly, V loved dinner tonight: Eggplant "meatballs", spinach fettuccini and garlic toast!(3/24)